i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
