so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
