3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
