Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.