Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER