my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bring me that man meat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?