My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away