TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.