I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD