You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson