all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
a search helicopter?!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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