Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
