Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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