Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
