Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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