I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
