A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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