I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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