1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
