they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
