Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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