Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
