Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
