Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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