you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
