hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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