sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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