it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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