I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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