I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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