I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
