pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
