ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
