Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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