Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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