all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
