I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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