Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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