Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
