Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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