It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
