Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
