mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
