The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am naked and annoyed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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