Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
