literally had 100 drinks last night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize