so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
