I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
