So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
