you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
