So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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