To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
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I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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