Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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