What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
