Will you blow on my dice?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
