how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize