I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
