I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
