i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
