She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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