Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
