I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
