so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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