My friends, they love my intelligence
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
