What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
