His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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