Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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